The Shed

Father Martin McVeigh

Yup, this happened.  Father Martin McVeigh of Northern Ireland was supposed to be making a PowerPoint presentation for First Communion preparations.  When he inserted his… memory stick… a 16 part all male revue commenced.  At least the perviness was with adults and memorex this time.

Those in attendance claim Father McVeigh bolted from the room without a word while others proceeded with the scheduled curriculum.  He returned twenty minutes later to wrap things up without addressing the snaffu at all.  Not even an, “Oopsies!”

It’s not that big a deal, you guys.  The audience was mostly parents.  There was only one kid there, so that’s an improvement, you see.  Cardinal Sean Brady has confirmed that the incident happened, and Father McVeigh swears he doesn’t know how it happened.

I think I know.  I think Father McVeigh is gay and needs a waiver on that vow of poverty so he can afford enough computers and memory sticks to keep his gay porn files separate from his priest files.

Listen, I’m not a psychologist or a Catholic, but I have some thoughts about the global perv problem the Catholic Church still seems to be having.

Imagine you’re a Catholic boy and realize you like other boys.  Let’s set aside whether the teaching that gay is wrong is right or wrong… that’s not even the biggest problem here.  The problem is that a good Catholic (or most Protestant denominations, which I would be included in) can’t openly question their sexuality.  They should be able to.  Even if we concede that the Biblical interpretation against homosexuality could be right, someone struggling with that should be able to stand up on Sunday morning and say, “Hey, church family.  I think I might be into other dudes, so I thought you guys would want to know so you could lovingly support me as I figure this stuff out.  Ya know, without getting all bogged down in judgement.”

But we all know they can’t.  That’s why I’ve always wondered if you put yourself in the shoes with a Catholic boy realizing he’s gay, a Catholic boy who really wants to be a good Catholic, which means definitely not being gay, that the priesthood might look like the best answer.  Just go full-on celibate and not deal with your sexuality at all, with the bonus of knocking out some penance for being such a dirty boy you wouldn’t have time for with a civilian job.

But eventually your issues have to be dealt with, and I’ve always wondered if that how we wound up with all these pervs in the priesthood.  I admit, protestants have our share of creepy and crooked clergy, but there’s something about men taking a vow of celibacy that is either appealing to someone whose true sexuality has become inconvenient, or the vow itself just isn’t natural.

*disclaimer: Some of my best friends are Catholic, ya-da, ya-da.  The saddest part of the pedophilia scandal for me was the fallout for good Catholics and especially good Catholic priests.  Well, after the stolen innocence and ruined lives of all these children.  I’m not anti-Catholic at all, but the Church can’t be allowed to sweep these things under the rug anymore.